I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You were trust falling into bushes
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
