so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
