My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm at about main and main street
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
