u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
