whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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