So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Me too!
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
