you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
