There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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