mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
