Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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