You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
