happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
