I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
