Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
