He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
