So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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