After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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