YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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