Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
