If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
