There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
