I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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