The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
how can u be prego again
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
