I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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