You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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