Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
barbara walters just said penis...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
