I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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