I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
