I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
COCAINE IS GR8
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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