"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
