Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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