Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
