I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize