Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
