My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
