white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
