I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
