If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
