She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
