No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
