Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
