Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
