I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
