Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
