I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
