If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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