We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize