Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
