Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
