im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
