Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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