I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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