I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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