Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm really into asian looking animals
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
