No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize