Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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