He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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