she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
