Can Purell be used as lube?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
