News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
