he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
