I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
