the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
