my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
