Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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