It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
